To be Human
by Death101- Fox Version
Summary: He told himself he was human because he wanted to be. What he didn't tell himself is that he was human because he had to be. Warning: Contains spoilers for Resident Evil Gaiden


**To be Human**

**Summary: To be Human is to taste the sweetness of life.****  
****Rating: G/K****  
****Warning: Spoilers if you have not played/watched/read about the ending of Resident Evil: Gaiden.**

The phone is ringing again. Its sound echoes in the room, bouncing off the walls as it makes its way to the bedroom. The man on the bed does not move as the shrieking noise reaches his ears. He lies on his back with his hands behind his head. His eyes are open and lights from passing vehicles drift through the space between the blinds to cover his face.

The phone stops ringing and silence returns to the apartment. A car backs up outside his window causing red light to drip through the blinds. It covers half the man's face causing the human face to become inhuman. The car drives away and the man's face disappears into darkness. Only his eyes can be seen. In time they also disappear.

The phone rings again but the man turns over onto his side. Does he have to answer the phone? Umbrella stopped calling years ago. It is over. He has no more orders. No more demands to replace and destroy. No more close calls and fights for survival. He is free to live as a human, a right he had craved and killed for.

There had been one close call on the boat. The bearded one had put up a fight but had ultimately been defeated. In that moment, he had been faced with a decision Umbrella did not realize he would make and they did not realize the danger of the decision until it was too late. He had the choice to take the identity of the bearded man or remain in the form of the younger man. His programing dictated he must take the bearded man's form but he resisted. He remained in the form of the young man and his quest to become human began.

Umbrella did not realize the danger of the creature yet. They did not know he had disobeyed his programing and began to chart his own path. They believed his dead creators had given him different orders. They praised the dead men and women over their graves with the mistaken belief the creature was intelligent and yet also obedient. The younger man's body was fitter and had more potential than the bearded man's. The younger man also did not have a family thus making it easier to conceal the truth. The fact the young man had joined the Secret Services and was close to the president was just icing on the cake. Umbrella praised the creators and allowed him to remain in the young man's form and to live the man's life. They did not see the danger until it was too late just as the creature did not know the dangers of life until it was too late.

He had not always been so attached to life. When he was first created, he killed, destroyed, and obeyed orders without a first thought. He did not think of the lives he was destroying or the life he was not living. He did not think. He merely obeyed. He was not supposed to favour one form over another. But when he took the form of the young man, he realized a difference from the other forms he had taken. It felt right. It felt like he belonged but the emotions that came with the human form were more powerful than he had felt before.

At first, the happiness of escape was a sweet nectar. He found he was not acting when he smiled at the two humans who had escaped the sinking boat. In that moment, he decided a human life was the only life worth living. But then the bearded one had looked in his direction. The older man's eyes narrowed and he pulled the child back. His insides felt as though they had been turned to ice. He was about to lose his life so he fought to protect it. He did not think about his programing to kill and replace. He thought only of protecting his own life and happiness.

When he had murdered the one called Barry and the child, there had been a pain. He had been frightened and once he was away from the scene, he checked his body for signs of a bullet hole or other wound. His body was unharmed but the pain remained causing him fear. He searched the remains of the boy's mind and learned about the emotions he was experiencing. He learned about guilt and fear. For a second while he waited for Umbrella to collect him, he considered switching forms to be away from the boy's emotions. But the happiness was too sweet so he remained. However, from then on every time he thought about that night the pain would return like a stubborn tumour.

Eventually, the guilt grew too much and he changed back to his original form. The emotions faded but so did the other sensations. He was unable to think and was the mindless weapon once more until he was ordered to change. When he returned to the form, he rediscovered free thought and other feelings. He was able to feel the warmth of a hot cup of liquid or the chill from the wind. He was able to speak and be heard. He was able to make his own decisions and feel happiness again. He decided the guilt was worth the price and remained in his human form permanently.

However, guilt was not the only trial he faced. Umbrella had never considered the possibility of a creature remaining in one human form for long. They allowed him to steal the mannerisms and memories of those he replaced. Unfortunately, they did not allow him to know how the person would act in later stages of life. Eventually, he would be unable to act as though he was in his early twenties if he wanted to be taken seriously. Due to their fear of the creature becoming self-aware, Umbrella ordered him to minimize human contact. Their actions were too late and had the effect opposite of what they desired. Instead of becoming a hermit and shunning society, he started to crave human contact. He enjoyed learning about other humans and was amused by their antics. However, Umbrella had limited him. He was only able to speak with humans during training or when trying to gain the trust of those in power. They had underestimated him.

He discovered television and novels. Television was a wealth of knowledge for him and without Umbrella knowing, he began to learn how humans' personalities age and how personalities could be manipulated. He decided he preferred his borrowed form's personality to that Umbrella had created for him and began to embrace it. After being introduced to television, he began to improve his personality. Without Umbrella knowing, he overcame the shortcomings of his programing. He began to age.

In time, he decided he wanted to a hero like Spiderman and Batman. He began to mimic some of their personality traits and merge them with the personality of his form. The quiet boy who spoke when necessary and would not shun help became a wisecracker loner who worked to solve problems without relying on others. However, he still enjoyed being around people and learning about them. He enjoyed talking with the various men and women he met and often engaged in witty banter with his rivals as he had seen on TV. Even then, Umbrella still did not see the danger.

Finally, he realized he was working for the wrong side and he realized Umbrella could destroy him as easily as he had destroyed the bearded man and child. They could speak with the president and then he could be destroyed.

Before he took human form, thoughts of death were nothing. After living in the boy's form for months, living was everything. He did not want to die and he knew Umbrella would soon kill not only him but also many others. With careful thought, he betrayed them. He felt no guilt over the destruction of the corporation who had created him. They had decided their fate long ago.

He continued to 'age' using various medias as guides. Over time, he began to realize that acting human did not make him human. He had learned enough to pass for a human but was also quickly realizing he was not human.

He started to suffer piercing sadness at random intervals, a condition he learned was called depression. He hid it well when around others but when he was alone he would feel a burning hatred in his blood. He hated the boy whose life he had taken. He had been born a human but what had the human done to deserve such a pleasure?! What made the boy any more deserving than him!? The hatred was dangerous, he realized since it often proved to be a heroes' or villains' undoing so he sought to remove it. He came to the simple conclusion that if he could become human, he would stop feeling hatred. He began to search for a way to become human.

The phone is silent again and the man moves from the bed. He walks into the washroom and smiles faintly as the cold floor chills his bare feet. He stops in front of the mirror but does not turn on the lights. He stares at his shadow as per his custom. If he had been born a human, would he had looked like this man? Would his hair be in the same style or coloured the same way? Would he even be a male? Would they be friends? It didn't matter. He had finished his search long ago.

He first had searched for the answer to the question, what did it mean to be a human? According to the biology books, he was already human. He was a bipedal mammal capable of adapting to many environments. Other books described a human as a creature with the ability to reason or with emotions. He rejected both definitions because he had met humans who were deformed and others who were incapable of using reason. Only fiction held a reason he could halfway believe in. A human had a soul.

He flicks on the light and narrows his eyes against the light. Steel-gray eyes glare at him from the mirror, demanding to know what right he had to take the man's life. He avoids looking at the mirror as he washes and gets dressed.

According to fiction, a soul separated man from machine and animal but it was possible for machines and animals to gain a human soul. He began to search for a way. At first, he believed a soul was found in human's red blood. It took time but eventually he learned how to change the green colour of his blood to red. However, it was a painful process that faded if he attempted to change one aspect of his appearance to mimic the aging progress his blood would turn green again. The pain was worth it, he decided but he did not feel human. He reasoned red blood was only one part of the soul so he began to search for the other parts as well. His search ended in failure until he found the true answer.

The human soul is just as the human is.

He reasoned he was human if he allowed himself to be human. To do so he would have to give up the idea that he was not the man he was killed. Instead he would change the man he had killed to match the self-image he had created. At first, it was difficult. He still found himself checking the memories of the man he had killed when making decisions. However, over time, he began to make decisions using his own memories and experiences. He began to think of himself as a human and not a weapon posing as a human. He began to have doubts and formed friendships. He fell in love once or twice although the man's attachment to a woman named Ada always won in the end. He wondered what he should do with his life and considered getting a pet. He embraced the good with the bad but he still could not meet the face of the man in the mirror. Even then, he told himself he was human and one day he would be able to face the man and tell him what good had come from his death.

Fully dressed, he glances at the mirror out of the corner of his eyes. He starts to turn to look the man fully in the face. The phone rings again. He walks over and answers it. "Leon S. Kennedy speaking," he says in the voice he knows so well.

"Mr. Kennedy, we need you to come to the White House. The president's daughter is missing."

He pauses and the guilt returns. He cannot bring back the dead but he could save this girl as the man he murdered would have. "I'm on my way." He hangs up the phone and leaves the building, handgun in hand.

He told himself he was human because he wanted to be. What he didn't tell himself is that he was human because he had to be.

* * *

**A/N: For the record, I have not read one Resident Evil fanfiction so if someone has already done this, please let me know so that I can go read it. Also, please tell me if my characterization was any good. Again, I haven't read Resident Evil fanfiction so I have no idea what is the accepted norm for character's behaviour.**

**Anyways, it's scary how easily this could be part of the canon except for small facts like Leon was not part of the Anti-Umbrella thing Barry and the others were. If you just change a few facts, it fits. Anyways, I hope someone enjoyed this and that it provoked some thought not just about the Resident Evil series but also about life in general. Thanks for reading!  
-D101**

_Disclaimer: I do not have any shares in Capcom, DC, or Marvel nor hold any copyrights._


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